Part 12: Case Closed, Bitch
Part 8: Case Closed, Bitch
: “Tell everyone.... to meet me at the precinct.”
: “But-”: “I have some things… to look into…”
Like that crime scene-flavored candy they were selling the other day.
: “Let’s work up some… magic here…”
30 minutes later…
: “Alright, that’s everyone, boss…”: “...Why is the bartender here…?”
: “Well, you did say “everyone”…”: “...At least… you didn’t bring out… the corpses…”He should’ve. The corpses could have killed themselves. I’m a doctor I swear.
If you’re a doctor, then I’m Astaroth.
Neat.
: “Fine…”Hey, bitchgirl is gone.
: “His cause of death... was a stab to the throat. While it may have seemed like a suicide at first… it stands to reason that it wasn’t…”Or was it?
: “And the culprit… is one of us…”Why are people disappearing and appearing randomly? Did you get lazy on Photoshop?
...No?
Yes.
: “...”: “...”
: “...”
: “...”
: “...”
: “...”...
: “...What? It’s what they do on detective-story dramas!”: ”...”: *cough*: “Anyways… you were saying, boss…?”
: “It suffices to say... that these two incidents… are closely related to each other…”
: “...”: “...You still owe me that favor, you know.”: “...Fine....As you know, Kouzou and Kawamura were once con-artists in league with each other. The biggest swindle they ever worked up was in Sumoto, a company called Sawaki Industries.”
And they touched wieners.
: “We’ll take it from here.As most of you know, Fumie Sawaki began working as Kouzou’s secretary soon after her college education. While this seemingly lackluster action may seem innocent, it placed Kouzou’s life in a dangerous position.
: “She isn’t… Sawaki had an alibi…”: “So...it’s Fumie’s Older Brother, then…?”: "...": “...We’ll… get to that…”: “Anyways…”
: “The culprit... arrived at the mansion sometime before 9 ‘o clock...”Of course he has to be black, you racist.
: “They probably… talked a bit… traded sob stories… the usual.”
: “And then Kouzou was straight shanked up…. when his back was turned…”: “Presumably, the same thing happened to Kawamura -albeit in a less civilized fashion, of course.”: “We...didn’t need to know this? Just tell us who the culprit is, so we can move on with our lives.”: “And get drunk.”: “That too.”
Keep in mind that if we were doing this update normally, we would’ve started here.
: “Strip… princess…”
Yasu is our culprit.
: “Have you been hitting the candy a bit too hard lately…?”: “Strip.”TOUCH WEINERS.
To be precise, we need to ask him to strip three times before he complies.
And that’s a wrap. If you go back to the previous update, it's mentioned that Fumie's Older Brother has a "butterfly-shaped birthmark" on his shoulder.
Where are his nipples?
Case closed, bitch.
Wishful thinking was always 20/20.
“Yasu is the culprit” is an ascended meme that sort of originated from this game. It’s also kind of a given that he murdered both Kouzou and Kawamura.
He is le trole.
LE BRAINS!
What no.
I mean, that’s what murderers are for.
Hah hah, point and laugh at the orphan.
I remember when I used to use an orphan as a football. Good times… good times…
Eris no, that’s illegal.
: “Hmm? But the key was found inserted in the keyhole from the inside of the door, you say? Boss, do you still not understand?”
Fumie appears, because we need to wrap this up sooner or later.
: “Fumie! I told you to run away!”
: “Yasu! Please let me talk for a minute!”
Remember kids: Crack is whack.
If you remember, the study door was locked from the inside, which is why it was considered to be a suicide in the first place.
: “And then Mr. Komiya saw the body. Before he recovered from the shock, I slipped the key into the door lock, but from the study side of the door.”
Which implicits her as an accomplice. Welp, looks like the gang’s all here.
Komiya-dooby-doooooo!
Which is the main indicator that Yasu is the culprit, funnily enough.
At the end of this little reunion, DvD Translations opts to hack in a secret code (MrSakurai) that can be inputted on their website here. It mainly consists of a couple debug room/extra dialogue stuff that isn’t seen in-game.
And with a bunch of fading police sirens, The Portopia Serial Murder Case comes to a close.
Stand By Me (Where Are They Now?)
Tyrell Badd
Tyrell retired from detective work soon after the case and now teaches Law at Tamagochi University. He currently is trying to beat Angelina Jolie’s record of “Most Ethically-Different Adopted Children”.
Yasuhiko Mano
Yasu was sentenced to life without parole for the murders. Three years into his sentence, he was beaten to death with a bar of soap in a sock when he refused to be the “cell block bitch”.
Kouzou
He’s dead.
Rokurou Komiya
Komiya was fired from his post due to his alcoholism. He sobered up and got a job as police chief in a small town somewhere in California. He was hand-picked by Arnold Schwarzenegger as his vice presidential running mate in the upcoming presidential election.
Fumie Sawaki
Fumie was indicted as an accomplice in Yasu’s murders, but received a reduced sentence when she testified against Yasu. She’s currently serving 5 years behind bars in Campbell's Chunky Soup Maximum Security Prison.
Toshi
Toshi learned to play guitar while in rehab and is currently touring as the lead guitarist in the Japanese heavy metal band Loudness. He plans to release a solo album of post-hardcore folk doom metal within the next year.
Hirata
He’s also dead.
Yukiko
Apparently she was on the latest season of 16 and Pregnant. So, uh, there’s that.
Kawamura
Yep, dead.
Okoi
Okoi is still stripping her way through medical school. She plans to become a neurosurgeon after her master thesis (“The Effect of Pleasure/Pain Stimuli on the Brain”) is finished.
Pal Bar’s Bartender
The bartender had a cameo role as the bartender in The Space Adventure - Cobra: The Legendary Bandit and is considering a role in the next James Bond movie, where he betrays Bond by giving him a stirred martini.
Random Bystander
Hard to pinpoint his exact location. Some say he’s still bystanding to this very day, witnessing incidents across the globe.
: “This lollipop...is really good…”